Battling the Shame

Battling the shame

I’ve been ashamed for a very long time

Not wanting to say what happened to me

A little girl, age of three, sexually abused

lived till thirteen; years of incestuous crime

The dirty deed undid the innocence mind

Physical and emotionally victimized as well

Survived two marriages of abusiveness kind

Thought it is the way life should be forever

The turmoil one lives within oneself engraved

Into the very soul of a little child, afraid to see

Who is that man and what is he looking at?

What does he want from a little ‘whore’, me?

Twas the thought for many years, having to

Relearn what was not right; seeing a reality

‘Tis never too late to have a happy childhood’

Is a motto I’ve lived by since a hospitalized event

Killing of self is not an option, maiming either

Drugs, alcohol, rebelliousness, bad choices too

Self hatred, self loathing, ugliness rules all over

What do you see when you look at me? ME?!?

Antidepressants for life, psychotherapy forever

Battles of self denial, self esteem, and hating self

A war I seek its end soon, no one deserves hell

No one, not you, not me, not boy, nor girl-NEVER!

Hey-Gyah Ahm-Boy-Taw

~until we meet again or

until I see you again~~

Kiowa Nation