Betrayal
Atmosphere
awhhh, well.....just moved....
give it a couple of weeks
still,
disquieting, something's wrong here
they act different
must be the history
they actually even tell you
ladies for the paperwork
men to get the job done
goofy
all the others
weren't this way
likely prefer working with them
straightforward, funny, dedicated
so, what is this?
Flintstones
only one here
got work to do
can't be learnt from a book
depending on them
made it, finally
one more year
happy, settled...HOME
must look for LAND
surprise her
my only little heart
she'll be so happy
our dream
Trying to find a way to express herself
it's like....you need to kiss up
that's what they want
come on now, this ain't the old days
They always hang out by themselves
walk up, they disband
scowling
resentment thick in the air
didn't have too many of us around, I guess.....
still,
this is 1999
walk in the room
divided seating
frightening
AS IF ONE DIDN'T EXIST
shock for many, many months
dropping God
something else takes over
gave up there
to come here
can go anywhere they said, doesn't matter where
didn't mind the snakes, swamp, mud, trails that weren't
as anyplace
with them
officialdom ,of course
zombies
humanity destroyed
henchmen to the system
Enron, but bigger
government, liars and thieves
but
weren't threatened
useful for once
They don't want to be bothered
training
the biggest joke of all
only seen that in pictures
you must have a good rep site somewhere
ignoring you
completely
it's always me going to them
insisting
they own this place
dialogues like actors on a stage
jargon promises
nothing ever happens
Chief's favorite, power, limelight
stealing contributions
yours
no more
teamwork
yup
LIES for a living
officially published
doing what it takes to FORGET
WORK
must be difficult, challenging
cruel
cruel mind games
ALONE
sinking their talons in
daily
more new transfers
they don't MIX, he said, look at that
he's dying too
they all are
never was a gender thing
what, then, is it?
old?
we both know how it is
shuffled around
begging
puffed up, blustery voices
concealing ignorance
they, too, weren't taught
honesty punished in their tiny ego world
knowledge, however trivial
a coveted prize
dictators galore
needing servants at hand
begging for each crumb
loving the sign on the door
slime opens nonexistent doors
over their heads
games get real
they've been run like that
in layers
they won't work with anyone, they won't share
nothing you can do
people in front of the counter
hating the barrier
intimidated
cautious, not risking that check
suspicious
familiar with the machinery
dumb farmers
they say
never once, she said
not even for a minute
was I ever part of anything there!
Not even once!
lasted only six months
pain, even after all this time
Data collection
humiliation with more
always too much to do
concealing what you need to know
still
I will never
Not
remind them
of the WRONG
in their hearts, in their minds, in their work
owe too many others
afraid for their livelihood
gently, but insistent
softly doesn't mean you can step on me
Sitting right there
never talks
young
afraid to ask questions
she turns to me and
falls apart
can't take this anymore
only here three days a week
So sick and tired of finding out about anything by listening to other people's
conversations
oh, the invisible
(the worst part)
comforting, same here
trusted him, eternally stupid
she can't take it either
threaten her
never looks this way again
meetings about the
soda fund
partnering
they do all out maps
he takes the credit upstairs
another award, best man in the state
meetings to show who's in and out
little round cliques
not even their own
are free of torment
nowhere to go
resolution shrinks - paid by who?
Pain never leaves
can't go home at night....she's waiting
can't go like this
walking by the lake, waiting for the tears
movie never stops playing
talk radio doesn't do it
federal vehicle
side of the road
can't hide
tears
FORGET FORGET FORGET
like someone encased in clear plastic
always separate
alone
get used to it
no different for anyone out there
student loan
your own fault
believed them
built your life on their lies
how dumb can you get
nowhere to turn
wooden stick
no more chores, won't distract enough
rooms like garbage dumps
help, somebody help me
there isn't any
can't ever let her see
always been there for her, she has no one else
house
stuck
she's hurting so much
can't respond, sweetheart
heart screaming in agony
why?
can't lift my arm, not there anymore
all cut off
numb, mute, deaf
MUTE, NUMB
world doesn't care, never has
must turn on faucets some nights, little bunny
let it flow out
have to
more and more often
lying there in darkness' arms
then it's ok
anger gagged
choking
like a thick suffocating blanket
escaping wrong way, inappropriate
humiliation deep inside
career destroyed
saying it out loud, someone has to speak
they cry about it in the bathroom
just fine outside
Wanting to vomit
how they speak
about their - friends?
just within hearing
ever so casually destroying lives
crushing people because they can't crush the system
that's killing them
evil molded to bones
She left, finally
hating me, nauseated
panic, can't feel anymore
can't FEEL
everything's gone
deliberate deceit
softly intimidating
labeled
suddenly
every little thing is wrong
incapable
it's you who hates your job,
it's I who loves it, remember?
lawyers
more deception - only for the rich
maybe I can't hold on
so many have left
too late
PARALYSIS
leave me alone
her heart feels no love from me
needing me desperately
house falling apart, $ falling apart
bills in piles
out of mind
days, weeks, months
robot with a smile
He said he cared
didn't feel that way, where is this coming from?
could use a friend
really could
we either have this kind of relationship
or nothing
NOW
so at peace, why not?
marry tomorrow
wait
don't even know you
intuition
shock, stiletto knife going in
what do you mean, they make you uncomfortable?
I love them
fear
contract negotiations
uneasy
no more hurting
PLEASE
she's totally forgotten, on the phone
with him
for hours
they need to be safe
from not being loved
why can't I get in?
didn't change my profile.....
months of lies
why didn't you just say I wasn't welcome?
I know
they'd leave
understand
don't have time anyhow
cut off my words with his anger
ANGRY CRYING INSIDE
don't shut me off!
can't ask
she's panicky, hating me
will he hurt them???
no
don't be silly
in words, I mean
I've always kept us safe
no one will ever hurt us
would I ever abandon you
or them?
need time
it's all coming to a head
don't know what to do
they can't just take everything
help
marriage
SCARED
for them
DON'T KNOW YOU
wait, please wait
I love you
INCREDIBLY NASTY WORDS
hope you'll never get that mad at me
don't mind your anger
why do your fear being angry?
You have a right to be
just say so
yell, big deal
careful - not at ME, hurts too much
can't anymore
silence
emptiness
10th floor
friends, grateful
their nearness lets me
forget
out there
for a while
Just another face
convenient distraction from inside
fewer dreams, so nice
what I wouldn't have given
confused,
friendship denied
forgot
in
your world, your peers
who I AM
doesn't count
no need to get to know
a woman
useful
that's all
assessing skill
potential buyer
merchandise, ideally
should come without encumbrances
got love
didn't need mine, didn't want mine
what's new
not dumb, familiar, long ago
why ask why?
never listened in 30+ years
why me
ask who you trust
smooth, accommodating
words sort of
pointless with the deaf
it never worked out before?
their needs
ever matter?
ever even
know what they were?
no one passing the standard
of
me-me-me
I know, this place, too
21st century
since you came home , that wasn't
like the idiot I am
loving you
though
protecting me
wishing you could go back there too
a different place, yet
different time
the one you live in and always will
where they don't leave
dependency
still growing up to be a wife
the history
you wouldn't give a ........
except
it suits your needs
the all encompassing
drive
starvation
too many mouths to feed
they have to leave
war doesn't help
pretty bodies survive
soft hearts hidden
behind what the bodies have to do and say
for them to like it enough
enjoying it, for real or not
some love
the tragedy
income
There's places yet
for you
Not far removed
from those who sent you off
with all
emerging recognition
to late
too bitter
too
unacceptable
No
not too proud
or playing games
VA
I cared
but never more
than prayers could have done
as well
being with you
gave every fiber
bound in love
as did
this little family
we gave all our hearts could hold
so wanted you
in our life
to have you
spit
into
OUR faces
this time
so
go away
complaining
behind the doors that keep out truth
about
Your fate
Your war
Your loneliness
Go away
nothing left but lies
go away
everyone.
İDRV
January 2004
Webmaster: Thurman P. Woodfork
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