The Calhoun County Homecoming and Bean feed was held last weekend at the Calhoun County Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall over looking the Calhoun County Sewer treatment pond.

Everything was progressing nicely till Edna Barns decided she wanted to do her usual "Dance to the Gods". If you will recall from past years Edna has performed this dance on many occasions, usually to a "walk out" crowd. It seems that no matter how many times Edna is told that her dance is not a part of the Calhoun County Homecoming and Bean Feed she insists on doing it.

This year Edna decided the perfect time to start her performance was just as Edger Moore was bringing up the special pot of beans that Jane Bob Norman had brought. Many of you may recall the sweet smell of Jane Bob Norman's special beans filling the VFW hall with the sweet smell of bacon and brown sugar and that special ingredient that Jane Bob has never revealed.

Just as Edgar Moore was approaching the Bean Dispensing point Edna did that "flurry" that everyone hates, knocking Edgar over and causing the beans to fly over the first two rows of tables.

It was then discovered that Jane Bob's Beans have a special property of their own. Sure they go down good and stick to the ribs, sure they taste good and smell good but do they ever stain? Do they ever glue themselves to anything they come in contact with short of a spoon and your mouth and the pot they are in. Those beans were everywhere in piles that the little kiddies were playing with, stuck to the pants of the old men and to Aunt Ethel’s favorite dress.

Edna, in her humiliation, not to mention still fortified by the six VFW Bombers she had drank before she started the dance of the Gods, put her 1998 Ford F-150 4 wheel drive 4X4 pickup in first gear and slammed on the gas which propelled her through the fence around Calhoun County Sewer treatment pond and left a trail of tire marks across the grass leading straight into the settlement pound which was quite full because of the recent rain storm.

Mr. Barns, along with the rest of those at the bean feed, came running out to see what the commotion was and discovered Edna sitting in the cab of the truck complaining about the rain and listening to Willie Nelson on the CD player. Someone commented to Mr. Barns that it looked like they would need a tow truck to get the truck out of the settling pond and asked what he was going to do about it. "I am going back in, eating my beans and cornbread and maybe taking a cake walk, then I'm walking home," Mr. Barns replied.

When asked what about Mrs. Barns he replied, "She drove it in, she can damn well drive it out!"

As a side note there is now a boil order in effect for Calhoun County

©4/29/2004 Tina L. Rice