I have never talked much about my 22-1/2 years of service with the Army Reserves. I am going to do so now.

I first got into the Army Reserves because I called an Army Reserve Recruiter a paid liar. It was like throwing down a white glove. He was bound and determined to get me to enlist. I had been out of the Air Force for about 4 years and decided I would play his game and joined a Medical Unit in Ventura, CA. I will always remember the physical exam.

I have a problem with my left eye. Because someone once used my head as a punching bag, I am unable to see much of anything out of it. Somehow, when I finished with the physical, I had managed to have 20/20 eyesight.

Anyway, about 3 years after I joined the reserves they started an MOS school at Camp Parks, CA, for reservists, and I was chosen to attend the first class. I would like to take you back to then and there now. You must remember that Camp Parks is a bit outside of San Francisco on the Oakland side, so first thing in the morning it is Cold and in the afternoon it is Hot.

We start with the introduction to Camp Parks by the commander, who has been sent to this place where - in the winter months all he has to do is keep the Jack rabbits in formation - so after being there for one winter getting the schools set up he is, shall we say, a bit testy. By the way, did I tell you that he got this assignment because he won a game of golf (19 holes) that he had played with the commanding general of the Presidio?

Screech. Tap. Tap. Screech.

"I am Col Morgan, the commander of Camp Parks. I would like to welcome you all to the first classes of instruction at Camp Parks. As you have noticed we are located right here close to Pleasanton, and in a few moments we will have a welcome from the Pleasanton Chief of Police.

"To begin with, our Chaplain has not arrived yet so I will be taking his place until he arrives. My door is always open to the troops that might need me, and if I find the troop that stole it he is in big trouble. (Said with a straight face - no cheesy laugh - he actually had a missing door)

"Though I am filling in for the Chaplain, I want to you know I have a rule. If I have to listen to your problems, you have to listen to mine, and I can assure you that I have far more problems than you will ever have.

"We have, as you found out when you arrived here at Camp Parks, a detachment of Military Police. They are assigned here year round for security purposes, and, believe me, they are not happy campers being assigned here. They will, when they take a notion, check the trunk of your car to make sure you are not stealing the footlockers we have provided for your convenience. You will also notice that we have placed a good number of nails in the space behind your beds so you may hang up your uniforms and other clothes. The MPs will also be checking to make sure that you have not stolen any of the nails. We know the student mind. 

Now we have not been funded to air condition or heat the barracks you will be living in, so if you will take a word of advice, you will shower before you go to bed as it will be way to cold for you to shower in the morning. 

"We also have several opportunities for entertainment here at Camp Parks. You can always hit the ants off the post in the barracks with the snakes that wander in, or, if you wish, you may join a contingent of MPs trying to get the jackrabbits to line up for inspection. If they are going to be on my post, they are going to be military.

"Now I would like to introduce the Police Chief of Pleasanton, Chief Roberts. Chief...."

Screech. Tap. Tap. Screech. 

"Good morning. I am Police Chief Roberts from Pleasanton. I also would like to welcome you to Camp Parks. We in Pleasanton are happy that they have opened Camp Parks as a Reserve Training site and welcome you and your money to Pleasanton. 

However, I would like to warn you that neither my officers nor I take a lot of truck with you Reservists. The townspeople will be happy to take your money, but if you step one inch out of line or mess with our women, you will find yourself in such trouble you may well be spending a good deal of time longer here then you planned. Well, welcome and be sure to come into Pleasanton to spend your money."

"Thank you, Chief Roberts. I am sure they all got the message. Now we will have Nurse Goodbody give you the standard talk. Nurse Goodbody . . ."

Screech. Tap. Tap. Screech.

"Thank you, Col. Don’t get in trouble and always be protected."  This was the first and last we heard from Nurse Goodbody - real name, no joke here - the entire time we were there.

"Thank you, Nurse Goodbody. Now you are all dismissed to go to your classes and remember, stay the hell out of trouble. I have enough problems, so I really don't want to deal with yours."

So finished our orientation and welcome to Camp Parks, the pleasure place of northern California.

 More on My Life In The Army later including just what is said when the Commander and First Sgt get together at formation.