Ah, how skillfully some of us wield our literary rapiers, parrying and thrusting with razor sharp linguistic agility as we harry our opponents. Others prefer the saber, scimitar, or even the broadsword, while still others just snatch up a word-laden mace, or any handy cudgel, and have at their opponents.

I’ve noticed that those who prefer the rapier approach seem to have hint of cruelty inherent in their natures, as they tend to play with their adversaries if they should gain the upper hand, toying with them leisurely before dispatching them with a final, adroit verbal thrust.

The cudgel bearers just whack you over the head with a hefty hunk of verbiage and have done with it. The broadsword and saber bearing types might hack off a literary limb or two before beheading their hapless victim.

Of course, there are also the stiletto lovers, who enjoy pricking their prey and watching them hemorrhage from a thousand minute wounds before they succumb to the accumulation of tiny, needle-like word stabs. Sometimes, it’s a while before their targets even know they’re being attacked and unsubscribe to crawl away and lick their wounds.

I think this stiletto type retains a lot of the early reptile brain. Notice how avidly they watch their prey over their web cams with a sort of ophidian stare while scarcely ever blinking. They may occasionally lick their lips with a darting tongue as they hold their victims transfixed in their lidless gaze.

It’s almost enough to make a person go back to snail mail and using the phone to communicate.

 © 4/12/2004 Thurman P. Woodfork