Justify My Actions?

Over the years of self-analysis

That has caused considerable mind paralysis

I have come to one conclusion

No matter what one did and it's no illusion

 Men die in most all combat situations

The nature of fighting causes frustrations

No one can make all the right decisions

And the outcome may not be what we envisioned.

For every casualty of any operation

The best one can hope for is no aberration

To blame yourself for all that may go wrong

Is to sing your own swan song.

 It has taken years to partially understand

Guilt, anger and self-doubt are a part of command.

No matter what the level of command you undertake

Each of us is subject to some mistake.

 All of the above seems self-evident

But it doesn’t take away the pain for something you couldn’t prevent.

A young man dies and one is full of doubt

Only the Lord will ease that kind of silent shout.

 I’m not releasing myself from mistakes I might have made

But to continue not to blame myself is something for which I’ve prayed.

Knowing in one's heart you did the best you could

Only eases the pain and the wish all understood.

 Friends, family and ones that were there

May help in the daylight to another’s stair

But at night when the dead march on

With only you there to face them till dawn

 A family’s blame for events that occurred

While awake seem absurd

Understanding their distress

Doesn’t make the hurt any less.

 All of the kind, and understanding words

With a better understanding that they might spur

Means little when the nightmares and sweats creep into sleep

You awaken and began to weep.

©David R. Alexander
October 29, 2002