It is with regret that we here in Calhoun County must notify you of the cancellation of the Right Reverend Billy Bob's Revival at the Calhoun County Tent Revival Center.

It seems that the sheriff has arrested Reverend Billy Bob.

That is not to say that he is not going to do his weekly broadcast though. He has made arrangements with his camera crew and the sheriff to do it from the county jail. We will take you there now. (Please excuse us if there is a bit of static as the sound operator is afraid of being inside jailhouses ever since that incident we will not mention in Augusta.)

"Good morning Ladies and gentleman this is the Right Reverend Billy Bob coming to you from the Calhoun County Jail. I know normally I come to you from the Right Reverend Billy Bob Center for Religion at 4 in the morning but this is a special occasion and I had to get to my flock before it was too late.

Lat night as I was counting the offerings that you had all sent FOR THE LORD there was a knock, well it was more of a pounding with a heavy instrument, upon the door of my head church building. It awoke my wife Poor LOREEN from her slumber and you all know how my wife Poor LOREEN hates to be seen without her hair being done and all her makeup on.

Anyway these denizens of law enforcement and agents of the Pharisees came busting into the sanctity of the head church, took me and my Poor LOREEN into custody, and hauled us here to the Calhoun County Jail. After they had done that I am given to understand that they also took Poor LOREEN's dog, FO FO into custody and hauled him from his air-conditioned doggy house to the pound where they threw him in with a bunch of common mongrels. The horror of it all. Every one of my faithful flock knows about poor FO FO and his digestive problem that requires him to eat nothing but the finest steak and drink nothing but imported water. I, and my dear wife, Poor LOREEN shudder to think of what poor FO FO is going through as I speak to you.

My Poor Wife LOREEN was going to be here with me today but the only thing they would allow her to wear was a orange jumpsuit and as my flock knows my wife, Poor LOREEN, looks just awful in orange. To make matters worse they would not allow my poor wife LOREEN to have her hair stylist or makeup artist come in to prepare her for the broadcast so my wife Poor LOREEN is hiding in shame.

Now in order to rectify this problem, which I assure my flock is but a minor one. It seems the IRS and the other Pharisees that work for the government have taken all of the funds that you have all sent to the Right Reverend Billy Bob and his wife Poor LOREEN, not to mention FO FO, and confiscated them. Something about not paying taxes on monies that the IRS and the other Pharisees of the government think the Right Reverend Billy Bob and his sweet wife LOREEN owe.

Why they even snatched the diamond rings right from my poor wife LOREEN's 10 fingers and are making her walk around with bare fingers. If that was not bad enough before they threw poor FO FO in with the rest of the mongrels at the pound I hear they took his diamond ruby collar away from him, snatched it right off his poor neck.

Now my flock we need your help. The Right Reverend Billy Bob, his wife Poor LOREEN and FO FO need you to send fifty thousand dollars FOR THE LORD so we can get out of the Calhoun County Jail and continue to do the work OF THE LORD.

These minions and Pharisees of the government think it is wrong, my flock, for my wife Poor LOREEN, myself and FO FO to live in that 45 room head church with the Olympic size baptismal fount and the small Jacuzzi baptismal fount in the back yard. They for some reason feel that we are not doing the work of THE LORD and are spending the funds you are sending us for the WORK OF THE LORD on ourselves. So we have solid gold fixtures in the head church, so my wife Poor LOREEN has over 300 dresses and pairs of shoes and FO FO Has a complete selection of ruby and diamond collars to choose from.

I assure you, my flock I have been praying for all of you that have sent me money so I could do the LORD’S WORK.

Now we must not let these minions and Pharisees get to us. WE MUST ALLOW THE WORK OF THE LORD TO GO ON.

Operators are standing by at the local pay phone which number being flashed on the screen as I speak and you need to rush to your phone or your bank or your safety deposit box and get the fifty thousand dollars that is needed to bail out my wife Poor LOREEN, FO FO and myself. Tomorrow is too late you MUST DO IT NOW OR I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP ON DOING THE WORK OF THE LORD.

I have to go now as the sheriff has told me my time us up so be sure to call the number you see on your screen and send money FOR THE WORK OF…

I am sorry people but there has been a slight problem with the Right Reverend Billy Bob's broadcast. It seems he has been taken back to his cell to think and meditate on the sins of collecting money for the Lord and spending it on his self, his wife Poor LOREEN and FO FO.

Someone take that damn pay phone off the hook before it drives me crazy.